Another Life
by TheWriterWhoIsAlone
Summary: Warning...SAD. NO happy ending. Just a one shot filled with feelings. FEELS. You have been warned. What happens to Jane after she says yes to Casey, and loses Maura in one of the worst ways possible? After the last episode... I had to get it out. **One Shot**


**Disclaimer I do not own R&amp;I**

I'm not one to break promises. I didn't want to hurt her. I just needed to take a breath. Nostalgia filled me to the bone. I was not good enough I never was. The silence was piercing. The atmosphere weighted, was that even possible? I wish she were here with me. That, she had not left. How could I marry Casey? If I had known. It is not the same without her. The silence isn't too bad, until I see my hands and see that hers are not in them. I don't sleep much anymore. She was just a memory. She is just a memory. When I blink I can't help but she her face, I try not to think of her though. I miss her, who we once were. Her eyes were so bright and it seemed as if she could do anything. How could I forget her? If I could go back, I'd tell her I wish she were with me right now. That I wish I could have been more for her, to her. That I wished she was still around. She is still working down stairs, but her mind, her mind was gone, she might as well been in another galaxy. We are not the same people we once were.

I would have asked her to stay with me. She could have yelled and screamed but she wouldn't be able to leave until I said what I always had wanted. It's too late now though. I can't mend it. She cried herself asleep every night, I knew that. It's not over, that's what I wanted to believe. It was just a twist waiting to happen waiting to happen, waiting to turn into a happy ending, but not everything has a happy ending. I just needed one more chance, to make everything right. When we would sleep over, her at my place, or over at hers, we would keep each other awake, with little noises. When we would sleep together I was always tentative, making sure that there was enough space between us. Now I wish I just been a little closer. My face a little more near, that I would have savored her warmth just a little more, that I would have heard her laugh, and cry, that much more closely. I wish that I would have looked a little deeper into her eyes.

I saw a star once and I made a wish. I wished that I would find true love. Now I wish that I would have asked to keep it, because I found it, and it was right under my nose, but I couldn't keep it.

She lost a family, but it did not bother her. She had, has, a new one.

I'm the one who can't make it through the night. I felt it all, I just could not show it. It's the fact I let her go. She was right in my grasps.

_"What will I do without my best friend?"_

Now all I think is what will I do without mine? There was no home without her, how could I go home without her? Barry passed away. Rain check I started getting rain checks. Slowly and little by little it was just ignoring one another. She did not want to be with me anymore, trying to spare her own feelings. IT was all understandable. I could not change who I was, but it seemed to happen. She tired warning me saying that she was spent, she was tired, and how could I blame her? I was not the same person.

It's hard letting go. It feels as if someone took a piece of you and you can never reclaim it.

I still talk to the moon. I loved her from the earth to the moon and back, she knew it, even if I never said it, I still haven't. I know she's out there, I just want her back. She's a star now, lost in space, an anomaly. I wonder if she thinks in her room as I do. When I am with Casey all I think of is her, I wonder if she does the same. Am I a fool? Am I just that ignorant? I should be certified. I should not be released into the streets. She's with someone else now. Her name is Samantha, Samantha Davies. She is the complete opposite of me. Blond hair, blue eyes, constantly sweet demeanor which is so unlike me, but she is a she, and that is the confusing part. I guess she didn't want to sleep with me, I really was not her type. She never loved me in that way, the way I desperately did even though I dare not say it out loud. This was worse than death, every day I was reminded how much time was lost, I didn't go down to the morgue any more, I left that to Sam, it, it was her place now. I wondered if she loved her like I would have, if she makes her laugh like I used to. If she takes her out to fancy restaurants, to concerts, or art exhibits. I wonder if she talks to her about their hopes and dreams like we used to. The worst part is I couldn't blame Sam, she, she was more woman than I could ever be. I wonder through if she knew that every once in a while Maura would just like to stay in. God, Maura, it hurt to even think her name, even after all this time. I lost both of my best friends. Sam is my new partner, replacing Frost. It was to much, to unfair. I didn't realize that she would replace me with Maura through. She was the complete opposite of me. Refined, intelligent, much like Maura, more her status.

I still try to get to her, in my own way, even as a friend, but I know it's impossible.

I was so scared of messing things up that I was too rigid. I gave no leeway. I wrote so many texts to her that I lost count, telling her to stop me, the thing is I never sent them. The wounds were too deep, too much separated us now. I wanted to hide them and she didn't. There was no comfort. There was no answer. The silence was the hardest part. It showed how blatantly everything changed. It's not that I didn't care, I just didn't know. I felt everything and it burned throughout me, I just didn't lead on. My faith is not there anymore, just desperation.  
It's like they were strangers now. There was no judge, no jury, just offense. She wanted to be sentenced to another life. Ignorance was my new best friend.

The worst part is, I would forget. Eventually I would forget her laugh, her eyes. She would just be another chapter story, written down somewhere in this grate novel of life, that, she would fade. I just could never see how that could happen through.

Was it possible for her just to fade into the back ground? Had I? Her life was moving on, and I felt stuck. I married yes, I kept my job, made Casey stay. At what cost?

I didn't go to the Dirty Robber anymore or the Division One Café. There were too many memories. I was haunted.

I did not have my doctor to heal me anymore. The wounds just wouldn't close. It was as if salt was thrown on them daily. Maura didn't show up to the wedding.

I'm Jane Rizzoli, and, I lost the love of my life. I lost the light of my life. I lost the only good thing in my life. I lost my life and there was no getting it back. Maura was my piece of card board she was my other shoe. If life were fair, if life were right, I would have her. Maura would not go with Sam every night as she used to do with me.

Casey hadn't known my ring size, he had asked Maura, because he knew she knew.

She knew the same way that I knew every little detail about her What each face she made meant. How she broke, how she became strong again. I knew everything even if I showed it. I still taste her. I gave up wine, and I taste her when I drink it. I don't even have beer, I have wine, just so I can be taken back for a moment. Just so I could be able to defy logic and time. I do yoga here and there still too. I don't know everything though and I never will. I will never know how she comes undone. What her lips taste like. I will never know want in her eyes any more, in any shape or form. I won't know how well Sammy's family treats her. How they made it through telling Maura's parents, if Maura's parents even care the way she hoped they did.

I didn't want to mention the diamond, the wedding anything, I did not want to think what any of it meant. Only now do I realize that I was avoiding, denying, everything, the simple truths. Maura never did waste her time with something she did not feel worthy and apparently that applied to me.

I will never know what love feels like. What it is to love and be loved, with everything.

Casey is just a substitute.

I will never know.

There was no us anymore there was no we no Jane and Maura, Maura and Jane. There was not an us or we, even with who I supposedly wanted it to be with.

I was with someone I didn't want to be with.

Did she think of me? Does she think of me at all? That seems impossible.

I didn't expect to hear her come out how she did, why she did, when she did. It was sudden. As sudden as being hit by a car that's what it felt like at least being on the high way not looking back and free falling into the street only to get run over. It was not free falling in the way love is described but free falling in a bottomless pit of nothingness, of darkness, of despair.

I ran dry. There could not even be any more tears.

I am Jane Rizzoli. I lost her. I lost my shoe. I lost my card board. I lost my chance. I lost my time.

I Jane Rizzoli don't always win.

I loved you Maura. I would have died for you. I would have given anything and everything.

I would have. I would have.

You don't need me anymore. That hurts too. I remember you needed me, we relied on one another. You don't need that.

You moved oh, I haven't.

This is reality. This is my past meeting my future, with a strange cruel twist. Distraught, devastated, bewildered, these words do not describe what I feel. You were always good with words, do you remember? Some-Sometimes you couldn't even stop yourself. You would talk and talk and talk, you didn't stop for anything. Nothing could break me. Korsak said so, at the time I believed him. That was until you did it. You broke me from the inside out. No. I broke myself.

I didn't get to wrap my arms around you nearly as much as I wanted to. I couldn't take you out and get the little butterflies.

I'll just lay here, If I just lay here will the pain go away? Can I forget? Casey is next to me, but the bed still feels so cold. It takes two to giggle softly, to talk.

You were the second person. I don't sleep. I just lay in my bed.

I'm to in thought, but even when I think of you, I, I don't feel so alone. I'll dream of you tonight my dear. I'll dream of you tonight my love. I, I won't say goodbye because goodbye means forgetting.

No more feeling alive. I still want to tell you, somewhere in our past life, I wish you were here with me, if not just for a few more stolen moments.

**So after last week I just had to many feelings. And I just needed to drown in them. I used a lot of song lyrics. I really do that a lot of times. If you want to be sadder listen to Vanilla Twilight by Owl as that is what this revolves around. Ignorance by Paramore is also thrown in there along with Misery by Maroon 5. Don't worry I have a happy play list too, but those just, they mean a lot to me and get me in this type of mood. Sooo yep... don't hate me. I just also have this head cannon after seeing it on Tumblr of a new beautiful woman detective takes Frost's place. Plus if Jane marries Casey, come on, we know this would happen, especially when Maura moves on. That is all. *Hugs* *Runs* **


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